Simon Is

If I updated the status column on my Facebook profile ever day this past week, it would have been something like this.

Sat : trying to complete his Closed Memo
Sun : looking forward to tonight!
Mon : never going to dance on the podium sans clothes again...or maybe not
Tue : thrilled to have discovered delicious Katsu Don
Wed : studying in school for the entire day waiting for nightfall
Thu : LIKE DAMN HAPPY CAN? Mostly. Move bitch.
Fri : irritated by deliberate bad grammar
Sat : still very hung up and confused

Am meeting JS in town for lunch, and then I'll probably nest in some corner by my sad self (while he goes off to meet his other half to do other half-sey stuff and I swear I'm not bitter) and study. Tomorrow is JBJ...looking forward to it very much. School is starting again and I'm sort of sad because...get this...it's going to fly by so quickly. We'll be done with the first semester before you know it. Which sort of sucks because I want to be a uni student forever. Ok not exactly, although I wouldn't particularly mind if I came from a family with deep pockets. VERY deep. Then I could be a uni student for the rest of my life, for all I care.

And by that I mean being young forever la, not like a certain 455 year old candidate.

-Sometimes I get so weird, I even freak myself out-Avril

Santa Monica

Mambo + Phuture last night was fun la, all things considered. It was worth the money and the time and the inevitable grumpiness just to listen to Andrea shoot her mouth off at supper. The best part is that she probably doesn't even mean to offend. Loves the "I give her credit for having the intelligence to make it to law school" comment! And "Fong-fucking-Seng". She's fab.

I'm feeling very Savage Garden-ey now.

"I knew I loved you before I met you"

"magenta feelings take up shelter in the base of my spine sweet like a chica cherry cola"

"beauty so unavoidable, everywhere you turn it's there. I sit and wonder what am I doing here?"

Ego Trip

I was reading my entries from last year (Sep 06) onwards, remarking to myself what fine posts they are...and I ended up reading my own blog for the last hour. If that isn't a sign of megalomania, I don't know what is. I came across what I honestly think to be one of the best paragraphs I have ever written. Of course, some people can fill their entire blogs with amazing prose, and I am not one of those people, but I do think the following from Nov 06 qualifies as one of my finest literary moments.

"A couple hundred miles from the California coast, I looked out at the most spectacular display of clouds I could remember seeing in a long time. The more resolute clouds clung together to form the edges of a steep cliff, while the more whimsical ones floated freely amongst them, in all manner of contours. As we approached the coast, a river of cotton in between two green valleys lay out as far as the eye could see. Hills were visible above the sweeping expanse of cloud, like mystical islands rising out of a misty sea. As we made our final descent into San Francisco airport, plunging through the low-lying clouds, the wings of the aircraft kept disappearing behind a coat of white, as if playing a game of hide and seek."

Yes award me the Nobel Prize for literature or something. But yeah post-army I had all the time in the world to write out long, relatively insightful, always interesting posts, and it kindda sucks that I don't exactly have the time - or rather I SHOULDN'T be having the time - to do so now. But that's the price one has to pay I suppose.

The Butch In Me

I had the most delectable Ton Katsu at Tonkichi today. Caught up with Cindy and Gerald for an all-too-brief lunch. Cindy had to rush off and I hitched a ride from Jinesh to school.

Yes, I went to school to study today.

And yes, I actually accomplished what I set out to do..which admittedly is not very much.

We drove to Bugis and dropped off Cheryl and Christine, who were on a jeans-hunting expedition, and then the real adventure for the day began.

It all started with a nice bag with an ugly logo. Jin needed to get the broken strap repaired and apparently the best place to do that was this market along Old Airport Road that has 2 levels. The ground floor is filled with hawker stores of every persuasion and the second level consisted of a big open space and a smattering of kinky shops including a "MEI LAN DEPARTMENT STORE", shops stocking merchandise that wouldn't look out of place in a Pyongyang store...you get the idea.

Having dropped off the bag, we went down to sample food, and must have been accumulating bad karma, what with the incessant bitching, laughter and me periodically spitting soursop seeds from my lemon soursop drink onto the floor (I mean what do you expect me to do with them right?).

I say this because, well, when we finally got into the car and wanted to drive back to meet Cheryl in town, the car wouldn't start. The air-con, lights and radio would come on, but so would ALL the warning signs on the control panel.

Apparently the car had run out of water and the battery had died and needed to be shocked, or whatever term is used to describe the process of attaching clamps to the positive and negative signs of the engine.

We faced the immediate problem of not knowing how to open the, as Rihanna Fenty so eloquently puts it, "hood" of the car. Yes, we did not know how to open the bonnet.

After a flurry of phone calls to various people, Jin somehow figured out how to open the hood and what we needed to do, ie. clamp the relevant positive and negative signs and attach the other end of the clamps to another car's + and -

2 problems.

(1) We couldn't find the + and - signs in his engine.
(2) Which sucker would let us use their car?

I approached a man waiting in his car and asked for his help in locating the signs. Let us call him Mr Asshole.

Me:"Excuse me, I was wondering if you know how to find the positive and negative signs...."
Mr Asshole:"There's a plus sign and a minus sign. Go and look for it..."

WOW THANKS A LOT FOR YOUR HELP! Go run over a former French president la.

Luckily, after a good 45 minutes of waiting and waffling, Jinesh spied this helpful looking fat man driving a beat up Toyota. I mean, when you need to borrow someone's car battery, who's more likely to let you use it, the driver of a shiny Mercedes or a beat up Toyota?

Precisely.

Jolly fat man drove up next to Jin's car, located the + and - signs, and let us use his battery. Having done that, we were able to drive to the station to get the car filled with water.

Anyone who knows us will find the images of the two of us - standing by a car with the bonnet up, holding these long wires with clamps on either end, having no idea what to do or what we were doing, flipping through the pages of a car manual - utterly hilarious.

I remember thinking that I was in a Rihanna-esque situation - the only difference being that she would probably be able to repair the car - as she slams down the hood and urges you to "Shut Up And Drive".

And I got my butch moment when I tapped the clamp against the positive sign and caused sparks to appear...and when I DIDN'T scream/exclaim/make loud noises like I did while watching the Lakehouse.

I'm so proud of myself, and I'm sure someone else would be proud of me too =D

Anyway, we finally drove down to the NLB and found Cheryl, who apparently just arrived from her shopping. Relocated to Spinneli's for an hour, where we tried to study but well, haha.

No worries. Will be in school tomorrow for the best part of the day to study. Yes yes.

We're (Almost) Two!

I started my blog on 26 Sep 05, it's been almost 2 years since those days of young, foolish, impressionable youth.

And not much has changed.

It's remarkable that 2 years later, I find myself negotiating a nearly identical path again. As if the emotional toll of those days didn't impose (and continues to exert) such a heavy burden on me, I now seem to be coming back for round 2, with the inexorable identical conclusion. Well admittedly it wouldn't be that bad a conclusion. Great things, albeit unanticipated, came out of my previous journey too.

But it is very tiring and very emotionally draining. And I suppose that beyond the superficial, I really have not changed as a person. Still as terrified of rejection as ever, never knowing how far to go (usually not far enough but sometimes not knowing where to stop), heady highs and followed almost immediately by lousy lows.

They say experience steels you. It's supposed to anyway. Battle scars only serve to make you stronger. And yet I find myself wholly unable to deal with this situation, a battle I already fought previously. It is, then, ironically (and tragically) appropriate that I celebrate the second-year anniversary of my blog while finding myself plunged right back into the same situation I was in 2 years ago. Out goes one and in comes another. The timing is cruelly perfect. It's also funny to note that there has been no one else in between who really hit me...I never liked anyone else to the same degree until now.

Anyway, weekend updates aplenty. Friday was NUS Dance Blast which was, well, not much of a blast. Too ethnic. I do appreciate the occasional traditional Asian performance, but filling more than half of the performances with Balinese, Thai, Malay and what have you sequences does border on overkill. We bought a bouquet of roses, a box of chocolates, and a kinky lollipop for Rohai, whose arms were FILLED with all manner of gifts by the end of the night.

Saturday was spent at home sleeping and perfecting my closed memo, followed by post closed memo celebrations at Cafe Iguana which was enjoyable.

Attended the ASEAN human rights working group talk yesterday which was, well, just that. All talk. JBJ and Chee Soon Juan made surprise appearances. I'm not the most anti-establishment of people out there, but one cannot help admiring their courage. Call it foolhardiness, call it a lost cause, but you cannot look at JBJ, looking 40 years older than he is (which would work out to...122), and yet still putting up a fight. Chee Soon Juan is very articulate, very well-spoken. Pity that he seems to have lost credibility with most Singaporeans.

Fab Sunday capped things off. I had a lot of vodka. And I had my virgin dancing topless on the podium experience, which actually felt kindda nice. I think the whole experience was an exercise in learning to not get your hopes up...because they will be dashed. Oh yes I also got an unexpected call from Michael, which took up my entire bus trip from home to Vivo. He has a lot on his plate.

It's amazing how one simple message is all it can take to change someone's mood. Too bad it hasn't arrived yet.

Boon Boon Boon (Meng)

A continuation of my earlier post. Note title. Pun intended. The internet is wonderful la. I just talked to Meng for like an hour on Skype, even got a look at his room and the street outside (he stays on the ground floor). And no matter how shitty or disappointed I may have felt, it really did cheer me up =)

The poka-dot blouse is damn weird la. Dunno what's wrong with these Brits. Guys go clubbing in dress and high heels. o_O

But yeah it's always great to speak to someone who's been around...who knows who you are. Not to say that I don't enjoy interaction with my newer friends - I spent a lot of time telling Meng about them and their antics haha - but it's just very comforting. Comfort in familiarity.

If I intend to hit the gym tomorrow morning, well, I need to hit the sack.

Bane Bane Bane

I have a torts tutorial tomorrow morning. Closed memo is due this Saturday. So WHAT THE HELL am I doing online? The internet, for all the benefits it confers, is also the bane of many student's existence. Sick of studying? Go out and watch a couple (or more) of videos on Youtube. Boring lecture? Feed the voyeur in you on Facebook. Feeling shitty? Compose a blog entry.

Oh well, back to work. *sips glass of wine disinterestedly and looks away*

ROFL

I had a good laugh on the phone. All this reminds me, oddly enough, of Hilary Duff's song Wake Up.

There's people talking, they talk about me
They know my name they think they know everything
But they don't know anything about me

It's amusing...for now. I'll tell you when the protesters start to assemble outside and I get 'MO(wed) down by a car. Hi-fucking-larious.

RORO and LEONARD are hereby BANNED from BTC!

Hahaha

Who Knew?

I was reading a post on a friend's blog, in which he displayed, well, emotions...and I've never thought him capable of emotions. I've just never seen him in that light, and what amazes me is that our circumstances are probably very different and yet so similar. Crazy (probably deluded) highs followed almost immediately by sobering lows, the constant, gnawing feeling that the highest pinnacle has been reached, that there isn't anywhere to go but down. A whiff of desperation permeates.

Caught Chuck & Larry with Jinesh and Christine today. Definitely a movie that appeals to one's baser instincts, providing plenty of laughs throughout, yet unlikely to prove endearing or memorable in the long-run, although the unequivocal anti-discrimination message was somewhat poignant. We all met Tong and had dinner at Sushi Tei. My friendship with Tong has really evolved over the past few years, to the point where we're (almost) equals in the relationship. And tonight he openly acknowledged that he was very cruel to me in the past, which isn't quite vindication or anything but it's sort of...amusing...to see how far we've come.

I only have a 45 minute lecture to attend tomorrow, and it's very tempting to skip school altogether, but of course you'll see me there tomorrow, looking for my fix, and then wondering why I didn't do more with the opportunity.

Switch

As you can see, I've decided to ditch the garish pink in favor of a more serene and calming green. Some of you would probably know the main reason behind this change - all the more necessary, in a sense, in light of the recent revelations that people are talking - but rest assured that this is merely physical. The style of writing remains (not like it's award-winning prose).

But yes people are talking and how do I feel about that? Part of me doesn't really care. I have my group of friends and if anyone has a problem they can say it to my face. On the other hand, I don't wish to be immediately labeled a certain way the moment someone mentions my name. My preferences are very much a part of me but they should not define who I am.

Met JS for coffee and dinner in town. We had FAR EAST CHICKEN RICE, which was delicious - if somewhat chaotic and harrowing. I can't keep living in the past. Meng is gone and I have to do the best I can to make new friends and savor the fresh experiences that come with them. I mean, it's not like he's dead or anything but time difference and physical separation really is a bitch.


You had a dark, sexy vibe about you
And in a strange way you turned me on
The way you look said a lot about you
As if you really didn't give a f---

I told myself not to fall for you
Cause I can see that you don't follow rules
I should've just walked away
But your eyes keep telling me to stay

Damn, why do the wild ones turn me on?

It's like cherry pie, you can't deny it
Drivin' fast, you had to try it
That's what it feels like
Letting Tony touch you everywhere
Breakin' rules and didn't care
That's what it feels like

A real rebel kinda fella
The kind that I would never trust
I could read what your mind was thinkin'
It's like you still didn't give a -- HEY!!!

It's funny how those kinda guys
Have a way of getting what they want
And even good girls, though they try
You see, they just can't seem to stay away

Damn, why do the wild ones turn me on?

It's like cherry pie, you can't deny it
Drivin' fast, you had to try it
That's what it feels like
Letting Tony touch you everywhere
Breakin' rules and didn't care
That's what it feels like

It's like cherry pie, you can't deny it
Drivin' fast, you had to try it
Oh, that's what it feels like
Letting Tony touch you everywhere
Breaking rules and didn't care
Oh baby, that's what it feels like

I can be your cherry pie
And you can be my cream on top (come on!)

I can be your cherry pie
And you can be my cream on top

It's like cherry pie, you can't deny it
Drivin' fast, you had to try it
Oh, that's what it feels like
Letting Tony touch you everywhere
Breakin' rules and didn't care
Oh babe, that's what it feels like

It's like cherry pie, you can't deny it (cherry pie)
Drivin' fast, you had to try it

Letting Tony touch you everywhere
Breakin' rules and didn't care

Birthdays and Bitches

Monday to Friday seems to be flying by at an alarming speed. Which is scary because there is so much work that needs to be done.

I seem to define my days by 2 criteria. 1) What I'm wearing to school. 2) The interactions that serve as a sort of highlight to the day, which is pretty sad but romantic at the same time.

And I'm pleased to report that I got a 5 outta 5 this week =)

Of course school isn't just about fashion and flirting. Friends and festivities pretty much round up the week.

The Mooter, the A-minuser, the B...ITCH. The terms we come up with are hilarious! Grades are one thing, but the friendships formed and the memories made are equally important, and I'm really glad that thus far, I've managed to avoid the pitfalls of JC, although I'm still very dao when it comes to meeting new people. Now if only I could do something about the bitching. But if it's not malicious I guess it doesn't really matter that much. Just a golden coin in the karma piggy bank a day.

Nalli's party was a reminder of the life I gave up in not going to AC, but I still enjoyed myself, although there were only 9 people from law school present. We were very late and had to settle for chips, beer and leftovers. I spent most of the night lying down on the sofa, talking to Jinesh and Nalli, a situation where one never has to worry about awkward silences, because there simply are none. She leads a very busy and fulfilling life too. I really do want to be like that, and I *hope* that I'm slowly if surely working my way towards some semblance of that.

She really liked her present, for which we expended considerable effort (and laughter) in choosing.

I also had a fascinating conversation with Indu today whilst awaiting my LAWR conference.

What else happened this week...Meng's farewell dinner and devoid-of-emotion send-off at the airport, the gay and lesbian legal rights conference, mooncake madness...it has been a relatively fulfilling week, albeit one which started off horribly (with me being super late and grumpy on Monday, along with that horrible VMA performance), but I want more.

So here's to next week and whatever lies ahead in my life, which has undergone not insignificant changes over the past 5 days. And thanks to everyone who has been a part of it.

EDIT: OMG DAMN CUTE!

No Words

If that performance wasn't a career killer, it sure as hell was a song killer. I can't bring myself to listen to Gimme More now because all I can think about when I hear it is that trainwreck of a performance. And that is very very sad because I really do love the song. Let's see where things go but the situation right now is pretty BLEAK. Why oh why does she ALWAYS screw up all her second chances. There have been SO MANY! It's super frustrating. And I wish I didn't care so much because it affects me personally but I do.

On a happier note, I got a nice smile today =)

Tick Tock

Can't wait! A mix of nerves and excitement, and I hope she blows the show outta the water (or desert). Beyonce and Justin have 7 noms each, but who cares? The marquee says it all. This year it's all about Britney. Everyone else is but a footnote.

Met Lena in town yesterday and we had chicken rice at Far East, which is always good =)

Headed to Far Coast where we met Jinesh (fresh from his interview with the sinewy old Italian) and hung out for a while before both of them had to leave.

Luckily for me JS was in town and he came over and we talked till dinner time.

I spent a HELL LOT of time at Far Coast yesterday. But at least I managed to more or less finish what I wanted to do.

Times are changing. The week ahead marks the closing of one chapter and maybe the opening of another. Tick tock tick tock tick tick tock. I'm waiting.

Leaky Leaky

NU Britney songs have been leaking left right and centre! After the uber-sexy Gimme More, we got CRAP in the form of Cold As Fire, where Miss Spears turns in quite possibly one of her most whiny vocal performances to date (and that's saying a lot). Yesterday we got the much-touted Everybody (produced by J.R Rotem, the guy behind SOS) that samples Sweet Dreams (and not Here Comes The Rain Again, which is what that idiot said it sampled), Break The Ice and Got Me High which I've only listened to once so far...not as impressive as Gimme More, and Heaven On Earth, which I really like as it reminds me of Gwen's The Real Thing. Today we got What You Sippin' On, which was recorded during the In The Zone era...and I LOVE IT! It's very Janet, old-school 90s R'n'B-lite jam. Very smooth and easy-going, with rappers chanting nonsense about "ain't gonna stop till the break of dawn" in the background during the chorus...I hope none of these songs make it on the new album, for 2 reasons.

1) I already have them and I want the new album to contain songs I haven't heard before.

2) I have a feeling that some of them are crap.

But apparently most of these songs were recorded for the scrapped 2005 Original Doll album. And Britney's been in the studio for like, 2 years, so I'm sure there is plenty of material that won't make the new album, in which case, please do leak as many as possible =D

Last night was an...interesting...experience. I know it's a very general word but that really is the only description I can think of. Interesting. Not good, not bad, just interesting.

I AM DAMN PISSED OFF WITH MYSELF

LIKE SERIOUSLY! Post LAWR today was supposed to be spent studying but I ended up talking for hours with law school peeps. Sometimes there's nothing better than cool, windy weather, a cup of coffee, and a group of friends to interact with. And I fucking did the most stupid thing I could have fucking done and I am fucking pissed off with myself again.

Much Amuse

I was reading Christine's blog and looking at my quotes. I'll reproduce them here.

Simon: Ok who has to go home? Who has Sunday school tomorow?
Simon: Fuck. Fuck, where is Meng. Always late. Fuck.
Simon: I wear this shirt when I want attention.

I was reading this and thinking "Wah actually I sound like quite an entertaining person ah..." I guess sometimes we need others to point these things out for us.

And I also just realised something while Facebook-ing a moment ago. Said crush is actually not very good looking. Charming, yes. Looks-wise, not beyond what I should be able to reasonably expect. So why is it that I feel so damn inadequate and inferior?

Anyway last night was krubbing which was, well, fun to the extent that we gossiped (and oh what gossip it was!) and bitched and laughed and watched Leonard do his hilarious impersonations, not so fun when you talk about the music (I am so sick of having to listen to Hefty Hudson's amplified voice being blasted at my ears over some cheap remix) and the crowd, which was more or less dismal.

I want to make something meaningful out of my life. I know I've been saying this for a very long time...anyone wants to engage in some meaningful activity with me? Volunteering for AFA or learning another language or playing tennis or learning to cook...all the things I resolved to do in 2006 basically. Or we could just take out NDR aka holy-crap-is-your-face-a-reflection-of-the-moon...that would certainly be a contribution to the community and society at large.

It's a brand new month and I'm going to try - operative word try - to start it off on a more...positive, and hopefully friendly, note.

GIMME GIMME

The first reviews are in! Blender gave this bitch 4 stars!

WHO: Britney Spears
WHAT: "Gimme More"
WHY: At the end of Britney Spears' new single, producer Danjahandz (Justin Timberlake,
Katharine McPhee) says, "Bet you didn't see this coming." He's right.
Even if it's an obvious "SexyBack" retread (all the way down to the
distorted vocals), the unsettling disco dazzler "Gimme More" is about
as good a track as we could expect from a woman whose life has turned
into a lurid, express line farce. Britney's breathy lyrics take on her
tabloid stalkers in a way that's somewhere between completely
self-aware, invincible and, dare we say, kinda artful. "They want more,
well, I'll give them more," she says, standing up to a billion flash
bulbs with a genuine potential smash hit behind her. She's not just
bitching about the paparazzi — she's begging them for more with a smirk
and some cocaine funk. Reverse psychology par excellence or a star
admitting to her own dark, attention-craving desires? Either way, it's
more intriguing than it should be. "It's Britney, bitch," she says at
the top of the track. Welcome back, bitch.

MTV UK!

Britney Spears new song Gimme More has leaked to the internet and been played on US radio stations.

The single is an uptempo club track which MTV News has to admit is rather good.

It's been produced by Timbaland protégé Nate 'Danja' Hills- who has worked with both Nelly Furtado and Justin Timberlake.

Gimme More starts with the vetaran pop star whispering "It's Britney Bitch." The catchy tune is reminscent of her ex-boyfriend Justin's music with the chorus liklely to be stuck in your head for months.

Whee! OMG Britney turned down UMBRELLA! I just heard that on the radio. Apparently Tricky Stewart (who produced Me Against The Music) offered it to her but was turned down because her label thought it didn't have hit potential and so gave it to Rihanna. Funny.

But these kindda things happen all the time la. Kylie turned down Toxic if I'm not wrong.