Mr Bad Media Karma

A cursory peek into my fucked-up life. Rants and raves, musings and madness - come get your piece of me.

Friday, March 27, 2009

I Wanted My Steak Sandwich

And I got more than I bargained for - 5 to be exact. Morton's was great, except that my contacts gave me a lot of trouble for a while. Marina Barrage was, dare I say it, rather magical. We went from one extreme to the other, Tiong Bahru market to Majestic Bar. It was fun. I laughed a lot.

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated

So... I changed my mind. It'd be a pity to let this blog stagnate, considering its been going for such a long time. And I suspect I'll be too lazy to start another blog for travel anyway.

These past few months, I wondered why I continued to be hung up on you. Today something clicked. I simply stopped wallowing in self-pity (I dunno, maybe I finally exceeded my quota) and got over myself. And then just like that, I got

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Pokerface (and this is my final post here on craptasticqueer)

So you showed your cards and I crumbled like a deck. I suppose that's what happens when you continually up the stakes. You win, you win big. You lose, you lose big. And I really should have known that I would lose in the end. But like the gambler that refused to quit, I continued to pour more and more into a prospect that seemed increasingly unlikely with each passing day. Why? Because I believed in following my heart.

I will not feel bad for having loved. It's a wonderful feeling. Yes the consequences are dreadful, the damage may be almost irreparable, but it was better for me to have loved and lost than not to have loved at all. I will not turn into a cold, unfeeling, bitter person, because that is not who I am.

Tears will be shed, pain will be felt, but I will emerge from all of this a stronger person. In some ways I already am.

I always enjoyed talking to you before we went to sleep. It was funny, it was comfortable and at times, it was bizarre. It was us. One night, you were curled up on the mattress on the floor, and (perhaps in your semiconscious) asked me whether I would love you tomorrow - I said yes - and whether I would love you the day after - and I hesitated for a moment before saying that I would always love you in some way.

I would say the same thing even now, even tonight, because you will always have a piece of me.

Goodnight.

P.S. thanks to everyone who's bothered to read my garbage for the past what... 3 and a half years. Its time to move on (I swear this has nothing to do with the blog being turned into lecture slides), I hope to have a travel blog or something, ya'll will hear about it when I do get down to it.

I miss you already.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

I just want to disappear from the face of this planet. Painlessly and without causing pain to anyone (like my parents). So that all this can just go away and every waking moment won't be so agonizing... because there will be no more.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Paranoid Android

Is going to end up killing the golden goose.

Or himself.

One day.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

But life doesn't ask you what you want, it's just gonna have its way.
Sometimes it doesn't give like it takes.

Tuesday, March 03, 2009

Being In Law School

What's up with the title you ask? Sometimes the most mundane routines, the ones you tend to overlook, the ones you profess to hate, can yield great memories if you'd only stop and reflect.

And I would like to reflect on my day.

1) Lunch with Andrea, Leon and Robo - asking people whether they define themselves according to their nationality or race, Leon's 'Majority Non-Issue' theory, Andrea's 'our children are our parent's children' theory (which I DO agree with FYI!) and Robo's expounding on Buddhism... Talking to ZX while he waits for food - OH THE FOOD DEAR GOD DON'T GET ME STARTED ON THE FOOD!!!

2) Going for useless lecture and falling asleep - nothing new.

3) Waiting with Jin for the shuttle bus to KR at the bus stop. And waiting. And waiting. And then he decides to drive so I follow him to the "secret carpark" where he already has gotten a warning and he drops me off outside the Summit. Unusually short time together but nevertheless always worth it.

4) Back to classroom trying to type out my part of long letter.

5) Dinner with Andrea and Leon, fabulously riotous as usual. We feed Tom the cat (I DON'T CARE HE'S MALE!)... and try to kill a fly with a food tray.

6) Study room. Type type type.

7) Steal some time to sit with Sam and Cheryl (and Sam Wee who joined us for a while) and munch cookies. Comfort simply in their presence.

8) Con Sam into following me to the vending machine hahaha.

9) Study Room, trying to type, looking at questionable photos on Facebook, laughing and talking a little too loudly, people MUST be annoyed by us.

And all this in the context of general... suffering, trying to complete our assignment due on Tue at 10am, which was preceded by 3000 word essay last Monday and 3500 word essay last Friday.

Sam's right - even though everyone is suffering, its kindda... nice(?) - ok maybe another word FILL IN THE GAPS IN MY VOCAB WON'T YA?

Hmm... and people might read this and think 'huh that's it?', or 'what a sad life' but... somehow if you've been through what I have today, you'd feel... overwhelmed yes, frustrated yes, like a little bit of a loser HELL YES, but... some part of you also feels content. And happy. That you had these riveting conversations. That you laughed like a hyena throughout the day. That you have this amazing support system, in the midst of all the shit, these people who surround you and make you feel accepted and warm and cared for. Thanks guys for helping me get through the long testing days by being so generous with your companionship and laughter and concern. I don't feel this everyday la, but tonight, for some reason, I feel particularly blessed.