the priciest piece o' plastic eva

I spent like several thousand dollars on this la. And many sian 6.30 am mornings, rushing to catch the train, usually being late or barely on time.

Oh well. Will come in handy when I get the Bentley I suppose. The past 2 days have been unexpectedly enjoyable. Which makes me very happy and sorta sad all at the same time.

My New Jam

This song rocks my socks. I just came back from Starbucks HV which was infested with mo's haha. ZX came over for a while but realized he was too distracted so he left after like half an hour. And then these awful awful group of 4 unattractive women with very local intonations seized the sofas next to where I was and started yakking and laughing like a bunch of hyenas. I know they're entitled to do that since its a coffeehouse and all but it was really annoying.

okthxbye

You Did It Again

Today, I inadvertently drew the last poison out of my misadventure of the past few months. It's doing damage, but at least everything has finally been detoxified.

I look back now at how everything panned out and wonder 'how the hell did I screw everything up so badly?'

It takes two hands to clap, of course, but my gosh my hand was just out of control, way outta whack. I became the very thing I swore I was not, I turned into the kind of person I professed to disdain - needy, neurotic, paranoid, unable to trust, despicable. And all that in the name of love? I don't know how I'm ever going to be able to profess my love for someone again if it brings out those aspects of me.

It was, ultimately, a selfish frolic of my own. I wasn't thinking about what you wanted. I was only concerned with what I wanted and what I decided you wanted and thought was in your best interests. And I screwed it up so badly.

The side effects are still ongoing, the process is still playing out, but I'm more convinced than I've been in a long time that I am incapable of genuine, self-sacrificial love.

It makes me sad. Because as crazy as it all sounds, I still think I wouldn't be happier with anyone else.

Driving slow through the snow on 5th Avenue

I was in Macs Beauty World (don't ask) with my AC friends Tong and Ee last night till 4. This came on the radio twice. And it sounded bloody good. Heaven knows I haven't given Nicole an easy time but she really does sing this song like her life (career?) depended on it.

OMG

Wow. I came home to find this envelope on my table from 'Brooks Automation, Pte Ltd', and in my dazed state I was thinking, what the hell, am I like a member in this company receiving notice for an EGM or something...

And I then I open it thinking 'oh maybe there's anthrax inside someone's trying to kill me', and I prepare for the worst when I peep in and see a... CD. Yes, one of those shiny rounds things with a hole in the middle which no one uses - or indeed buys - anymore.

Lo and behold, I remembered what it is! My dad extracted all the files I had on Julius (my first I-pod who sadly died at the beginning of the year), put all the content on a CD, passed it to his friend to bring back to Singapore and that's why I got the letter from that strange company. I didn't even ask my dad to do anything actually - I couldn't remember WHAT I had stored on Julius (which is a good reason for leaving it to die and not having him extract it) - but he did anyway.

So I looked through the files, hoping that somehow, my 1000 plus songs would be in there, to no avail. Year one notes and muggers. Blah. I should add at this point that my laptop's hard disk (an Apple too for the record) ALSO died on me at the beginning of the year and I had to start over which was very painful.

But then I see it. 'My Pictures'. And I think to myself, IF U SEEK AMY (say it out loud, it's also a song from Circus out 2 Dec)! The most painful thing about having my hard disk die on me, apart from losing my LAWR memo THE NIGHT IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE SUBMITTED and having to spend the rest of my Sunday after JBJ - or was that other once-a-year play? - writing the thing out again from sheer memory and desperation (ok very long run on sentence but I don't have time to fuss with grammar), was losing all those pictures. Everything I had painstakingly built up over the years, my archive of pictures (oddly enough I don't care as much anymore), GONE.

I open the folder and... every fucking thing was there! I had no idea I even backed it up on Julius! I'm so happy right now really. Everything systematically arranged, in their respective folders, a rush from the past. And all my holiday photos! (aside from Tokyo but that's on FB anyway).

In honor of this... most unexpected and heartwarming occurrence, I shall proceed to dig into the archives

SAMAZOZIS!


Halloween '06, at CHOOKSY'S house the night we were SUPPOSED to be in Phuket, and at ZOUKOUT 06.

Law School - ish


Haha loves it, me, Meng and Jin back when I first met the latter (too many case summaries for one day sorry) - and what is he wearing ah, Sam's birthday 07 (Jin and Leon have the same hair!) and Andrea's NRA party!

AC!


Michael's 21st birthday cake. Notice the urm, Archie comic strip on the side. Hahaha at work (this was me doing the watch assembly thing guys) with Tong in the foreground. And the whole gang after my... 18th? birthday at Tony Romas.

And of course, HOLIDAYS!


KL 2004, with my very unfortunate hair... dressing... everything. Slut Paris Hilton at Macy's in San Francisco (Jin you know I just had to) and KRABI from last year.

Haha ok I've posted enough la. Hopefully this makes up for all those shitty posts of the past few months and well, the shitty posts ahead (considering that exams are like in a week's time). Ciao!

There are 2 types of people in this world

The ones who entertain, and the ones who observe. I'm so bored in school I'm typing this from my phone since I left my laptop at home to concentrate - not working as you can see.

My Timetable

I intended to finish leases by 11 in the morning, move on to the corporate capacity of a company, and be out of the house and in the gym by 2.

And then 11 came and went and I told myself: you're not leaving the house till you finish leases. Guess what? I never left. Still have a third to complete and am very frustrated by my procrastination. Among other things.

On the brighter side, I finished my essay for NYU =). I dunno I just got down to writing it and I did it yay!

Where I'm At

Caveat: If this reads like something from lebullring, pardon me, I just read Meng's latest...

Life doesn't always go the way you want it to. You can spend hours dreaming, pondering, planning, scheming, wishing, hoping, trying, crying... but I think at some point fate does take its course. And when it does you're left feeling rather helpless. Useless, even.

But at least you tried. Obviously trying and consequently not succeeding does come with its fair share of frustrations - understandable, no one likes to fail.

I found myself pulled out raw, screaming and kicking, wondering how I was going to get through the week. I just did. And I feel a lot more settled now. At this moment I'm actually relieved to be out of that unhappy quagmire, seeing that the exams are mere weeks away. It would have been nearly impossible to concentrate with all those feelings whirling and twirling about, barging to the forefront of one's consciousness the moment one woke and only receding in slumber.

A great deal does feel unresolved, however. But at this point I have neither the time, emotional capacity or strength to plunge in again, so we chug along on the Status Quo Express.

So I guess the door is closed but not locked. It can't be, a key was never made. Ok enough bad analogy back to work.

Part of me laughs, part of me cries

I reluctantly concede. You win.

Today I shed tears for the first time in a long time. But I'll be fine.

Just remember my request. Anytime, anyplace, if you ever find that pill somewhere.

The Internet Is For... Wasting Time

Seriously.

I wanted to write a nice, long post on my weekend but I'm lazy. Avenue Q on Thurs was great. Very relatable la. Not exactly of course but I could draw out bits and pieces and commiserate with the sum. 'There's a fine line, between love and a waste of time'.

Fri was spent at the Law Soc quiz at Penny Black followed by the inaugural 'guys night out' with Jin and Leon. We ended up lying down on the grass in the middle of a roundabout off Boat Quay, after potent Kiwi margaritas (I took quite a lot of beer before that at the quiz and it wasn't half as heavy-head inducing). Only got home at 5ish in the morning.

Sat was gym with Jin at Bugis and then dinner, and then to Starbucks for... studying. I had a delicious nutty toffee thing that set me back $7.

And now I'm at home and bored and knowing I should be studying but unable to.