We're (Almost) Two!

I started my blog on 26 Sep 05, it's been almost 2 years since those days of young, foolish, impressionable youth.

And not much has changed.

It's remarkable that 2 years later, I find myself negotiating a nearly identical path again. As if the emotional toll of those days didn't impose (and continues to exert) such a heavy burden on me, I now seem to be coming back for round 2, with the inexorable identical conclusion. Well admittedly it wouldn't be that bad a conclusion. Great things, albeit unanticipated, came out of my previous journey too.

But it is very tiring and very emotionally draining. And I suppose that beyond the superficial, I really have not changed as a person. Still as terrified of rejection as ever, never knowing how far to go (usually not far enough but sometimes not knowing where to stop), heady highs and followed almost immediately by lousy lows.

They say experience steels you. It's supposed to anyway. Battle scars only serve to make you stronger. And yet I find myself wholly unable to deal with this situation, a battle I already fought previously. It is, then, ironically (and tragically) appropriate that I celebrate the second-year anniversary of my blog while finding myself plunged right back into the same situation I was in 2 years ago. Out goes one and in comes another. The timing is cruelly perfect. It's also funny to note that there has been no one else in between who really hit me...I never liked anyone else to the same degree until now.

Anyway, weekend updates aplenty. Friday was NUS Dance Blast which was, well, not much of a blast. Too ethnic. I do appreciate the occasional traditional Asian performance, but filling more than half of the performances with Balinese, Thai, Malay and what have you sequences does border on overkill. We bought a bouquet of roses, a box of chocolates, and a kinky lollipop for Rohai, whose arms were FILLED with all manner of gifts by the end of the night.

Saturday was spent at home sleeping and perfecting my closed memo, followed by post closed memo celebrations at Cafe Iguana which was enjoyable.

Attended the ASEAN human rights working group talk yesterday which was, well, just that. All talk. JBJ and Chee Soon Juan made surprise appearances. I'm not the most anti-establishment of people out there, but one cannot help admiring their courage. Call it foolhardiness, call it a lost cause, but you cannot look at JBJ, looking 40 years older than he is (which would work out to...122), and yet still putting up a fight. Chee Soon Juan is very articulate, very well-spoken. Pity that he seems to have lost credibility with most Singaporeans.

Fab Sunday capped things off. I had a lot of vodka. And I had my virgin dancing topless on the podium experience, which actually felt kindda nice. I think the whole experience was an exercise in learning to not get your hopes up...because they will be dashed. Oh yes I also got an unexpected call from Michael, which took up my entire bus trip from home to Vivo. He has a lot on his plate.

It's amazing how one simple message is all it can take to change someone's mood. Too bad it hasn't arrived yet.