100th Post

And I'm going to keep it simple.
My dad took this picture of a big rock in Yosemite Park and sent it to me. Can't wait to get up close and see it for myself. Let's not forget San Francisco in all her majesty. 2006 is going to end with a bang indeed. But first I have to get out of the army *mutters*

I met an old friend on Sunday and he was bemoaning my general change in behaviour over the past year. The tighter clothes, the more evident flamboyance, the limper wrist? It's not that I haven't been thinking about these things myself. I did change, and for what? But at the end of the day, I have to be honest with myself. It's not easy because I'm just a bottled up cask of insecurity. It permeates my life, to a degree which is detrimental. To the point where I won't acknowledge a person I've met before simply because...I feel inferior. Which just gives others the impression that I'm unfriendly. Which I'm not. I don't allow myself (or that damn ego) to be bruised, simply by errecting walls around them. Layers and layers of walls. I don't get hurt if I don't put myself in a vulnerable position. Thus I become the Ice Queen. I hope my friends can see beyond that, see someone who is actually warm and loves to laugh, to love and be loved. I simply cannot coax myself out of the shell into which I withdrew after all that happened. It's very painful. And I'm wallowing in yet another pity party. So much for keeping this post simple eh? Lo Siento.

On a happier note, urm...yeah. That's pretty much all for tonight.