Languishing In Torpidity

I'm quite frustrated with myself. Ok maybe quite is an understatement. Very. My middle name should be procrastination. Yes, call me Simon Procrastination Huang, or La Procrastinina. I'm inherently lazy, lacking in drive, constantly lethargic, hopelessly inactive (bar the gym sessions which aren't exactly a good example of hard work on my part anyway) and generally sluggish.

And every time I tell myself that when the right time comes, I will begin to lead a more active and fulfilling life. Of course, the "right time" has been pushed back considerably, from the new year of 2006 to Chinese New Year 2006 to my 20th birthday, to after the shift from Jurong to Kranji Camp, to my ORD in November to the new year of 2007 to my 21st birthday and well, I'm still looking for the right time. Oh, let's wait till university starts and then I'll finally get into the swing of things.

Yes, tell yourself that you lazy swine. I don't understand how I can hope to be filfthy rich in the future while remaining so lackadaisical. I really do feel sleepy. Almost constantly. Once I'm on a bus I fall asleep. It doesn't matter how many hours of sleep I've had the previous night. The bloody eye bags, dark circles, and tiredness never seem to leave. It's very irritating.

And my work attitude. Well, let's just say that if I continue this way, I'm going to end up working in some two-bit law firm or as some disgruntled civil servant. My first job, as you guys know, was more or less a monumental failure and while I'm suviving in my second one...that's about it. I'm surviving. I should be working harder, closing more deals, writing more insightful articles. But I just can't seem to do so. And it's not that I'm incapable. Therein lies the frustration. I know that I can do so much better if I just put in the bloody effort, but I seem unwilling to do so.

The same applies to my bloody social life. While Michael may complain about his hectic schedule and having to be booked a week in advance, well at least he always has things to do. My weekend was spent sprawling in front of the television, idling away on the computer, with quick spurts to Play last night for The Swimming Instructor Launch(which was fab) and to the gym. I have no love life to speak of, I'm going to be very very lonely when my samazozis leave for their studies, and then it's back to square one all over again. Same thing - I'm not exactly socially inept - I'd like to think that I can hold myself pretty well when I have to, but I'm just not putting in the effort. Plus I'm terrified of rejection.

Then you have the driving, the foreign language lessons, the resolution about learning to cook. It's so easy to talk and plan but I can't bring myself to take any action. It's not just about money - my parents are paying for my driving dammit. I'm just too damn lazy to make the trip down to Bukit Batok Driving Centre (why oh WHY do driving centres here have to be located in god-forsaken places? Why can't they have one in Holland V or something).

So yeah I am frustrated. But when does that frustration translate into willingness to take action. And even then, how long will any spurt of determination last? I don't know. The only good thing is that I've never taken such a short time to type out an article of this length. So there.