Lazy I

As promised. Hilarious! Gotta love Paris and her lazy eye!

Was I really such an asshole in JC? The more I think about it, the more I'm not surprised I didn't make (m)any friends there. Omar and I met in NJ so he doesn't count as a friend from SA I suppose.

I mean, the whole AC thing was one thing. We were proud (too proud) of our school and turned it into what can only be described as an art form really. Haha. It was fun la, at that time, but I'm sure it didn't sit well with some people in class.

And you know what, that's really too bad. That was my attitude at the time. And I suppose I'm paying for it now. Everyone has friends from JC. Close friends. Like Wei Ren and Meng's hags from TJ. EVERYONE has good friends from JC! Everyone but me. And I admit that my behaviour really didn't help matters.

Not asking for sympathy here. Not asking for forgiveness either. I'm just making some observations that have long been swirling round in the recesses of my mind. Was being *overtly* mean those girls in class (or Bing Fu) really necessary? What motivated me to behave that way? Was it just Omar and myself feeding off each other? Or does it just boil down to the fact that I am inherently not a nice person to begin with. Or was it just a cover for my own insecurities, to hide my own feelings of inadequacy? I suppose it was a combination of all of these.

For the record, most of my classmates were very nice people, and I never had a problem with 75% of them. Yet for one reason or another, I was unable to get really close to any of them, not that I would have wanted to. I think, on the whole, they are just not *my kind* of people. And by *my kind* I'm not just referring to the fact that none of them were flaming homosexuals. They're just not the kind of people I could envision hanging out with. But then again, is Gerald Goh my kind of person? How about Lena? You see Simon, they aren't exactly. In fact first impression (which lasted for many subsequent years) of Gerald Goh was very *very* bad indeed, yet today he's one of my good friends. I suppose I didn't give any of them, or myself, a chance. I'm not saying that everyone wants to be my friend la. Far from it. I am NOT an easy person to get along with. But I suspect that if I had just adopted a...better, nicer, disposition, things would have turned out differently.

Some people I hurt unnecessarily and to them I apologise. Not that they will ever read it. But yeah.

Ok enough self-reflection. My god I am one screwed-up individual. Night =)