I Want To Kill Myself

That's how I felt after today's 800 metre run. Words cannot describe the excruciating agony I felt after that stupid 3 minutes plus plus, took me almost an hour to recover! Was actually second(!) going into the first 400 metres and then, just as I was going "Wow I can't believe I'm second", I felt the tiredness, felt the muscles cramping up. Fatigue seeped in. In a matter of seconds 3 runners overtook me and in the final 100 metres the last guy did too, resulting in a very unglamourous last place finish.

Any shame that I may have felt from such a dismal performance was negated by the various strains I felt immediately after crossing the finish line. Had to practically PULL myself up the staircase. Proceeded to experience muscle spasms and pain everywhere. Followed by nausea and the urge to just VOMIT out the barley I had unwisely (or perhaps wisely) consumed 15 minutes before the run. Urgh. Had to lie down on the bench, heart still pounding furiously, head spinning, shame was the last thing on my mind really. And I confronted my fear it on. And it DID ME IN! Haha. But I'm still alive *disappointed moaning?*, so I suppose I got the better of it in the end.

Too tired for sex.

Sunday night was decently fun. Had dinner with the boys at Fish & Co. which was great. Shared a seafood platter with Jireh. Yes it's Fish & Co. the epitome of trashy food for people with no money to eat real seafood, but you know what, I loved it. Ha!

After dinner went to MOX and Happy. The music was fantastic, for me at least. Heard this strange dance-ey remix of Live To Tell which was just plain weird but I just started jumping up and down and screaming like a small girl when I recognised Madonna. Bananarama's Look On The Floor. Fabulous. GET RIGHT and IT'S LIKE THAT! One after the other. Hot tamle! Boyfriend (always nice to hear), SINCE U BEEN GONE (which had the WHOLE dancefloor jumping whenever the chorus hit). We were screaming out the song la. I remember WR jumping around like a maniac mouthing (or singing?) to the tune. Sorry capped things off. Really good night in terms of music, very handbag and all but that's wear my preferences lie. It was a good night all in all, although I felt rather left out a lot of times. Sigh. And Jireh was VERY rude to me at the end while we were hanging around at the alley behind Happy. But apart from those two little (or not) hiccups everything was fine.

Went to Maxwell for post-party supper. Taxi home.

What else. Oh yes. Mellow. No change. Horny as hell. But too tired to act on it right now. Missed gym. Which is NOT good. Lonely. Yes. Lonely. I'm beginning to wonder, is waiting for no one really better than waiting for someone? I've gone through it before, and I have had THREE chances so far this year, more than in any other (don't laugh ok?), but Prince Charming just isn't THERE. Am I, like Meng, too picky? Just can't seem to get a break. And I'm holding on and waiting, but for how long? Is my youth going to slip away without me ever having found anyone special? Can I EVER find anyone special. Or am I going to be one of those people who immerses himself in his studies and career to conceal the fact that there's really no one out there he can love, who loves him back. I wait...