Janet, Miss Jackson if you're NASTY!

My God. I was talking about the infamous Just A Little While video the other day, and it's even more hilarious than I remembered! From Janet's Cheshire Cat-like smile at the onset, you know it's going to be an unintentionally funny riot! Firstly, with her often diabolical smile and over-defined cheekbones that accentuate her narrow chin, she does resemble the Joker. Don't believe me? Pause the video at 22 seconds and tell me that doesn't look like the female Joker!

Next up at the 29th second, we have a close-up shot of her ridiculous shoes. Who made those things anyway? Fast forward to 00:43. Janet, who for some inexplicable reason is now wearing sunglasses indoors, reclines on a couch with a bunch of strawberries in hand. She then proceeds to eat a strawberry before coyly cooing about "touching on my favourite fru-hoohoohoo-it." Well at least her favourite fruits are strawberries.

As if that wasn't enough, the chorus hits and Janet starts dancing in front of the camera like a woman possessed. Here we have the famous scene of Janet banging her head wildly from side to side while listening to her I-Pod, and lugging a vacuum cleaner to and fro. There's also this wacky moment at the end of 1:16 where she trips and falls. Must be them crazy heels. Doesn't she look like a witch dancing on the balcony?

Now Janet goes all Asian on us, complete with pigtail. She's wearing an outfit that encapsulates those boobies and pulls them upwards, pure evil I tell you. Pause at 2:03. With all those flying saucers behind her, you'd think that Janet is the queen mother of aliens sent to destroy us all. Run for the hills! She's also wearing ridiculously long fake nails. All the better to gouge out your eyes!

The chorus then hits for the second time and Janet is joined by some friends. Together, they make fools of themselves in front of the camera. Notice how she acts all ghetto at 2:24. You ain't foolin' anyone Miss Jackson. At 2:29 we have Janet acting cute and pretending to dance. Someone pass me the barf bag...

To the bridge! Janet is reclining yet again, this time in front of the fireplace, and HELLO, can you say T to the R-A-N-N-Y-licious? Something about those heavily mascaraed lashes, excessive eye liner and crimson eye shadow. Pause at 3:04 and 3:05 for the full on scary effect. Add to this visual scene Janet's incessant hoo hoo-ing in the background and asking if you want to burst her strawberries, and you have the basic plot for Saw 4.

As if all that wasn't enough, Miss Jackson goes into full Tranita Ho mode for the final minute of her song. From the trashy white outfit to the messy blonde wig(who the fuck was her stylist for this video anyway, Britney?), you know this is going to be good. Janet is now in the kitchen and pretends to cook. She half-heartedly uses a ladle to stir an empty pot - couldn't they at least put SOMETHING inside, or is she too giggly and dense to even pretend to cook? - and once again inflicts her body on us. Her boyfriend returns and Janet throws away any pretense of maturity, clapping like a special needs child at 3:47 and taking a poor kitten out from a box, squeezing and then shoving it in front of the camera. That does not look like a happy kitty.

And that's about it. Just A Little While is ART I tell you! I'd like to do a review of Call On Me but I've spent more than enough time on this today. I actually do like Miss Jackson. She made some great music back in the 80s and early 90s. But nowadays she just seems like a bad parody of her former self. Slipping down the slopes of mediocrity towards oblivion. And Janet, while you're on the way down, could you please take that fugly munchkin of a boyfriend with you thanks.