Album Of the YEAR!

Without a doubt, the best album I've heard all year! No, make that the best album ever! When Christina released Stripped, I thought that was the pinnacle of musical excellence. She was real, gritty, RAW. That album contained some of the most meaningful songs ever recorded in the history of mankind, including the female empowerment anthem that was 'Dirrty' and 'Beautiful', the smash hit about self-validation that captured the zeitgeist of late 2002/early 2003. When America was on the verge of invading Iraq, Christina assured the troops that they were beautiful and that mere words couldn't bring them down.

At the time, I could never fathom any album surpassing Stripped, until Christina released Back To Basics, where she cleaned up her act and showed the world that she had grown into a glamourous, classy woman. Back To Basics was inspired by the music of the '30s and '40s, but I feel that Christina has far surpassed any of the icons of that era. She is truly a legend. To compare her to Ella or Billie would be an insult to the 3 time Grammy winner. The thought of Christina in the recording studio, hitting those notes perfectly and pouring her heart and soul into her songs, is enough to bring tears to my eyes. The product of all that hard work and effort is this masterpiece. It is a seminal piece of artistic expression, comparable only to the works of Van Gough or Beethoven, and maybe the Bible. This is evident from the start, with the first single 'Ain't No Other Man', a Grammy nominated(and sure to win) epic ode to love that became a smash seller on I Tunes and was a top 10 hit on the Billboard Hot 100. Christina's aggressive vocals and the captivating french horn combine to deliver a musical tour de force.

The second single, 'Hurt', deserves a paragraph all to itself. While it has been a slow climber on the airplay charts and hasn't sold very well on I Tunes, everyone should listen to this song because it is a life-changing experience, like seeing the Grand Canyon for the first time or witnessing Hurricane Katrina in full force. Christina squeezes every drop of emotion to deliver a stunning performance, which surely ranks up there with Imagine as one of the most influential and inspirational songs of all time. This song may have needed a bit of extra help from her record label in order to reach the top 10 on pop radio, but RCA is really doing a great service to humanity by paying radio stations to increase it's airplay. After listening to Hurt, the terrorists will realise that "I hurt myself by hurting you" and go back to living in peaceful poverty. Both RCA and Christina should be awarded the Nobel Peace Prize for their efforts. In fact, Bush shouldn't worry about sending extra troops to Iraq when he could just send Christina down as an ambassador for America. Once she performs Hurt, the insurgents will either commit suicide or surrender, and Christina will be hailed for solving the grave and deteriorating situation there.

The next single is scheduled to be Candyman, where Christina (notice how she's a first name only icon like Madonna and Cher) turns on her flirty charm to create a '50's inspired, very fast, fun song, "the happiest song on the record". This strategic choice is sure to turn the Back To Basics project around after the lowest common denominator of the general public was unable to appreciate the profound moroseness of Hurt. The album only just passed the 1 million sales mark recently, many months after being released. However, I'm sure that Candyman is going to be Christina's biggest hit ever, the biggest hit of 2007, twice as successful as 'We Belong Together', and will ensure that Back To Basics eventually crosses the 10 million mark to become her best-selling album ever, as it deserves to be.

As if all that isn't enough, the other songs on the album are all worth listening to. All of them are potential singles material. From the bitter retribution track 'FUSS' to 'Still Dirrty', where Christina reminds everyone that she is still capable of being raw and gritty, the indisputable symbol of female empowerment in the 21st century, there are many gems in this treasure trove of an album. Please buy Back To Basics after you read this, Christina needs every sale she can get. Not that sales are important to her. Sales do not matter when you've released an album that is a symbol of your sheer artistic prowess. Who cares that the album has sold disappointingly so far? Not me! All I'm grateful for is that Christina has been sent from up above by the powers that be to bless the world with the gift of her voice and the incontrovertible talent of her songwriting(even though it was Linda Perry who wrote Hurt). However, buying Back To Basics shows Christina that we support the great artistic risks she has taken with this project, and that we recognise her postion as the most talented individual in the history of the music industry.

Merry Christmas to all, and to that BITCH SLUTINA FAGUILERA also known as CUNTY.