i only have myself to blame

I know that. My current situation is simply the result of poor decisions I made in the past, mainly things I didn't do. Back then I utterly failed to realise the consequences of not being active enough, especially during those 2 precious JC years. Sure I did have laughs, sure I did enjoy the company of my small AC circle. But look where that has brought me. I'm slowly drowning in regret. This goes way beyond him. If I had a clique, his apparent indifference wouldn't matter as much. But now there's basically almost no one else. And that is what gets to me.