Typical

This is very typical of me really. Back in '99 it was "I HATE Days Of Our Lives" (proceeds to watch the show and becomes addicted to it until it is unceremoniously booted from Channel 5). Then in '00 there was the whole "I can't STAND Britney/Cher" phase (proceeds to become marginally obsessed with them and buys every Britney album...not humanly possible to buy every Cher album tho'). Oh and who can forget the most recent "I Pods are overrated" (would you like to have a look at my 20GB I Pod with COLOUR screen?)

SO after ranting and ranting that blogs are for girls and that I would never ever ever have one...here I am typing out my very first entry. Why? Am i jumping on the damn bandwagon again? I blame it on TECHNOLOGY. You see, I have already kept a journal (full of DARK and DIRTY secrets, the only place I can be completely honest with myself) for more than a year. But there's something about TYPING in an entry instead of putting it down on paper. I blame technological progress. Yes yes.

So what I am gonna write about anyway? Frankly my brain is too zoned out to think much right now. Let me just say that I feel very inadequate at the moment. Nothing new? Well try feeling INADEQUATE at a time when your teenage years are very nearly slipping away from you. I feel like I've not made the most of those supposedly wonderful teen years. All the dreams and fantasies I had for myself when i was 14/15...remain dreams and fantasies. And that pisses me off a great deal.

Now you might say...quit whining and just move on with life. It isn't that easy. The past is as much a source of comfort as it is a burden, as ANYONE who has read Eugene O' Neill's EPIC play Long's Days Journey Into Night would attest to. There are so many decisions I made in life that I regret. Things I did. Things I didn't do. And the BLOODY icing on the cake is that I will never be able to relive those years of my life, which is also compounded by the fact that I still feel trapped in the same sad cycle. Surely this can't go on forever?

How very typical indeed. I really don't care who reads this. I'm pretty sure no one who knows me will so I can just BITCH as much as I want to and bare my damn(ed) soul. I just need to vent. And this seems more fun than using pen and paper. Haha maybe Mr. Tong might read this eventually. I have no idea why I trust him so much after all that he did. But I guess that's in the past isn't it?